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DEMOlition: An Audio Sketchbook

by Kate Nyx

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when i’m feeling down like there’s no way up from here can’t pick myself up off the ground I am paralyzed by fear whether it’s just in my head or maybe it’s something else when it’s starting to get bad this is what i ask my self what would Peggy Carter do? she’d happily fight anyone who’d gotten in her way what would peggy carter do? she wouldn’t listen to what the haters have to say she would catch all of the bad guys and she’d do it looking great Peggy Carter is my hero, and she’s why I’m here today when the patriarchy’s thriving and the internet is mean when my depression’s trying to kill me and I can’t bring myself to eat when some prick who doesn’t know me tries to ask me for me name I just say “My name is Agent” And I go on with my day what would Peggy Carter do? she’d happily fight anyone who’d gotten in her way what would peggy carter do? she wouldn’t listen to what the haters have to say she would catch all of the bad guys and she’d do it looking great Peggy Carter is my hero, and she’s why I’m here today whether your boss thinks women are all weak or your manager won’t even let you speak just think of Margaret Carter kick ass in heels and garters and remember being feminine doesn’t make you any less than any other person on the street what would Peggy Carter do? she’d happily fight anyone who’d gotten in her way what would peggy carter do? she wouldn’t listen to what the haters have to say she would catch all of the bad guys and she’d do it looking great Peggy Carter is my hero, and she’s why I’m here today
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those who say that love is blind must have never met me i set you in my sights I decided we were meant to be but i didn’t plan for this how much it would all come true who’d have known that at the end of my rainbow was you you’re not exactly perfect, but neither am i do you think that it’s worth it to have me by your side i’ll make an exception to the rule you are such a fool you think you’re kind when you are cruel you don’t know what to say but you are where i go when I am scared you’re still standing there even though you’re unprepared for this juggling act called life you’re my partner in crime those who say it ends in time must have never met me i kick my horses long past death I love my lovers when they leave but as much as we have done here we are still having fun who’d have known that after all this time it’s you who were the one? you’re not exactly perfect, but god knows I’m not either if I didn’t believe in love, you would have made me a believer i’ll make an exception to the rule you are such a fool you think you’re kind when you are cruel you don’t know what to say but you are where i go when I am scared you’re still standing there even though you’re unprepared for this juggling act called life you’re my partner in crime I’m pretty good at guessing, but I don’t know what comes next we’re not exactly perfect, but we’re doing our best i’ll make an exception to the rule god, i’m such a fool I think I’m kind when I am cruel I have too much to say and I know that I have made you scared you’re still standing there can’t you see I’m unprepared for this juggling act called life you’re my partner in crime
4.
The movies are lying, it isn't romantic A constant exchange between painful and panic The bathroom is chapel, this bath is your service While every mistake you made floats to the surface Reconciliation burns white on your conscience How long can this go on while you are still conscious You're lost, but you're willing, it's hard but you're trying I promise the dawn is much better than dying And you won't spend your life Wearing long sleeves in summer You won't spend your nights trying to forget who you are You are not your scar So take a deep breath Try to stay in the moment Tomorrow is scary but right now it's just you and me One day you'll be free I believe I'll tell you the truth, that perfection is pointless If we all looked the same wouldn't looking be joyless? All skin really does is cover your organs So color yourself with what you deem important Reconciliation burns black on your record But I swear to god, I will help you get better You're lost, but you're looking, it's hard but you need them Any step you take is a step towards freedom And you won't spend your life Wearing long sleeves in summer You won't spend your nights trying to forget who you are You are not your scar So take a deep breath Try to stay in the moment Tomorrow is scary but right now it's just you and me One day you'll be free I believe The movies are lying, it isn't romantic A constant exchange between painful and panic The bathroom is chapel, this bath is your service While every mistake you made floats to the surface
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you gave me such a fright, oh isn't it a scream you look simply horriffic, a walking dead man's dream your hands are cold and clammy, your skin is white as snow actually, my lovely, you look like you've seen a ghost! you're absolutely perfect, can't wait for your suprise just ring the doorbell, darling, don't forget to close your eyes if you're really lucky, you might get trapped inside because as far as i have heard, no one has survived welcome to the end of world didn't think we'd be here so soon welcome to the end of the world we're so happy to see you they say the place is haunted, but that's just the start the man who used to own it didn't have heart just a nasty bunch of orange maggots filled with puss he baked his wife into a pie and didn't leave a scrap of crust you say you aren't nervous, but i know that's a lie your hair is standing on it's end, i see it in your eyes make sure you check under your bed and turn off all your lights because you won't want to see what's standing by you in the night welcome to the end of the world isn't it the place to be seen welcome to the end of the world and have a happy halloween
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you said that blonde heels have more fun well, you're living proof i thought that you were the one so foolish in my youth and the victor for the match well, it's pretty clear darling, you were such a catch until you dissappeared baby i'm a luchador and i learned it from you i fight for freedom and i fight for the truth baby i'm a luchador and all because of you you fool you said you did your best well it wasn't good enough you put me to the test but you play a little rough you say i'm green as earth and fickle as the air but for what it's worth i finally don't care CHORUS i hate hate to break kay fabe but i got to got to got to say you got me pretty good, baby i hate hate HATE to break break break kay fabe but the gimmick didn't work turns out you're just a jerk CHORUS
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[Heart in a Jar] She has my heart in a jar by her bedside, suspended in glittering gel. It glows in the night when she can't get to sleep and silently wishes her well It beats with a pace that isn't distracting, just barely without being still So she can remember me, she can remember me when I am stranded in hell She is my sister, my lover, my mother, my friend, courtesan, and foe She helped to pay my dues and she is helping to build my throne And she cannot die, and neither can I for I will continue to be The heart in the jar in the glittering gel that glows when she can't get to sleep Her hair is not fair, her skin is not fine, and her beauty might not be your taste She is not the sweetest, nor is she richest, she is not the smallest of waist She is an admiral, I am her soldier, fighting for stained glass refrains So she can call for me, so she can call for me when she is lying in pain She is my sister, my lover, my mother, my friend, courtesan, and foe She helped to pay my dues and she is helping to build my throne And she cannot die, and neither can I for I will continue to be The heart in the jar in the glittering gel that glows when she can't get to sleep Fierce and forgiving, she will keep living, after we've all gone away Standing atop a tangle of iron, wind whipping her hair from her face Soot stained and glamorous, oiled and armed to tackle all those who betray And she'll have my heart in the jar on her bedside, wherever her bedside may be She'll have my heart in a jar by her bedside, wherever her bedside may be.
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Annabelle sat Next to the train tracks The sunset stared back As she swung her feet Against the guard rail Her hair in pigtails Every tall tale She told was in her teeth Her mother said that fibbers were the devils kin & kind And that she wouldn’t get anywhere by telling all those lies But Annabelle was happier playing in her mind So she lied Oh, she lied. Annabelle sat Next to the train tracks The sky was so black You couldn’t see the stars Against the stop lights The neon bar signs She knew it was time To find a new front yard She packed her journals & her comb, her necklace made of shells And her mother told her she was going straight to hell But the devils playground was better than standing still Hey Annabelle Oh, Annabelle Annabelle sat Next to the train tracks And she looked back But she felt no fear She said a prayer Home was nowhere Home was somewhere But it wasn’t here
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with wine with fire with blood with bone i am no saint i have my sins i let who i thought i was win i've lost my soul to nonchalance i cannot tell what pain i've caused my body's here. my heart is not the war i waged was hardly fought and at what cost, where do i go i pray to gods i barely know with wine and fire with blood and bone i drink, i burn, i bleed alone god help me now, i've lost my way and so i bend my knees and pray I can't say what I sacrificed so that my ego could survive i could not have been left less whole i cut apart my heart and soul on every stage i left a piece to acquiesce my devotees i gave away all i could see and now there's nothing left for me with wine and fire with blood and bone i drink, i burn, i bleed alone god help me now, i've lost my way and so i bend my knees and pray forgive me, saints, for i have sinned i let my lesser morals win i gave away all that i could and now I might be done for good no spotlight to reveal my path no audience to stand and clap i pray to god but don't believe i drink, i burn, i swear i bleed with wine and fire, with blood and bone the lights are off, the curtain's closed so lock the door and toss the key my secrets are what set me free
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you thought i would never learn to open up my cage you were so much more concerned with throwing your parade when you took your victory lap the war had just begun while i made my strategies, you had assumed you’d won so bow down bow down before your queen get on your knees kneel and worship me bow down to say that i am made of stars is insult to the earth i am metal blood and thorn and i know what i’m worth i don’t need a cavalry to tear your castle down And I will feel no guilt when I have burnt it to the ground so bow down bow down before your queen get on your knees kneel and worship me you can’t reap what I have sown i have come for what i’m owed i won’t be bought, i can’t be owned bow down before your queen you don’t seem to understand this is all part of my plan i am no mere mortal man so get down on your knees and bow down bow down bow down before your queen get on your knees kneel and worship me you can’t reap what I have sown i have come for what i’m owed i won’t be bought, i can’t be owned bow down before your queen I am not my father’s son You will pay for what you’ve done I slayed the moon, arise fair sun, now get down on your knees and bow down

about

A collection of alternate live takes and demos, updated occasionally as I record new things and want to test them out. Enjoy!

Bonus materials if you download, including an interview with me that appeared on BBC radio!

credits

released March 17, 2013

Kate did all the things. Toreee did the photos.

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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about

Kate Nyx Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Maker. Musician. Feral faerie feminist. Chronically the illest. That clown girl from Pinterest. Punk rock pixie pinup.
Photos by Chad Harnish

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